Blogging In Plain Site

The Cough Parade

Our new nanny,Stacie, started today! And guess what? She has the same cough we all have. Everyone is hacking and I'm just about to go out of my flipping mind.

Spring is Here...

And so is Krup. Liam's never ending flu virus has become Krup and that brings with it a whole new level of spasmodic coughing, discomfort and unhappiness. Its pretty close to a month now that he's been ill with virus after virus sweeping through this house. So much screaming, back breaking coughing, snot, time-outs - and that's just his mama.

I seriously want to move into a hotel and strap on an oxygen mask and maybe some Canadian tranquilizers.

Pouring a Ladel's Worth Into the Disney Gravy Train

It began innocently enough. A postcard from Liam's grandma who was in Disney World.

"I WANT TO GO SEE MICKEY!!!" he instantly cried. "MICKEY NOW!!!!!"

This friggin mouse had an instant grip on his psyche. 100 years of Satanic craft wafted into Liam's senses and sent his head spinning; touching him off like Frogs on a dynamite pond. I had to do something, so I Googled "Where can I find Mickey Mouse in Seattle???" The Google did not let me down. The Google told me that there was a Playhouse Disney show (picture Disney on Ice without the Ice) at the Key Arena in 3 weeks. Well, there we go, I thought and booked the tix online.

Saturday was the day of the big show. He woke up and started babbling through the sequenced steps to get to "Mickey's House." At his Mandarin class, the teacher asked if there were any questions. Liam raised his hand and said, "Ah, yes, and I'm going to see Mickey, and Mini, and Pluto and Handy Manny." Clearly, he was enthralled and laser focused on this event like a banker on the little hand hitting the 5.

We take our seats in the Key Arena, but not before Big Brother Walt soaked me for a cool hundy. One Handy Manny doll ($25). One Mini Mouse doll ($25) "Ah, don't you want Mickey, there, Liam?" "No, Mini-mouse!" Two handy many construction caps ($40) - afterall both Liam AND Papa needed to wear one. And, parking, I guess.

For this I was expecting joyous dancing and screaming. Instead, I got quiet, intense, edge of the seat focus under the yellow visor of a plastic construction hat and squeezing the life out of his new stuffed friends Handy and Mini.

Now, everyone was at this show. Of course the pre-requisite Mouse club regular army,  but also Little Einsteins, Handy Many, Tiger and Pooh; all the irregular forces in the Dark Lord's army came scurrying out of the rocks like beetles to bedazzle the 2000 children present at the event.

Now, I'm no purist and I really don't have all that much of an opinion on Playhouse Disney stuff but I have to draw the line at the new Tigger & Pooh. They have taken the proud, hallowed ground of Winny the Pooh and bastardized him into one half of a mystery-solving, dynamic duo, together with a masked Tigger, they turn into  "The Super Sleuths."  Woof.  This is painful to watch. I know today's programming is all about learning, overt problem solving, "mysteries" and competition, but there must be something better to do with Pooh other than dragging him into a super hero costume. It's cheap.

Anyway, Liam's biggest challenge was keeping the folding arena chair at right angles. He had a blast and we bumped on home with his new friends and hat proudly displayed.

"Oh, look, that little boy chose a Mini doll!" I heard someone say on the way out. "That's right pal, and if Obama gets elected, he might marry your son in 20 years and we'll be watching them shove pieces of cake in their mouth so get your mind around THAT!"

Good times.

My Toe Headed Chinese Student; and, Y'all Mind if I Geek Out?

Ni Hao.
This week, Liam started Mandarin classes! Its a cool little private language program called Sponge. Our nanny took him earlier this week and said he had a lot of fun, Jen took him today and verified that. They use songs, play-acting, activities, etc. to teach Mandarin to 3 year olds: supposedly, the perfect age for them to absorb language. Liam was the only child in the class not of Chinese persuasion. And, he's very, very white. It just makes me chuckle but then again, that's no different than his Gymboree class: Chinese , Indian and Liam - about as British as the day is long.

The Chinese instructor went right over to Jen and asked if Liam had done language instruction before as he seemed to absorb it and participate really well and right off the bat...more than the Chinese kids, actually.

This told me my hopes for a superstar athlete may not be as realistic as my hopes for a scholar. Liam seems very adept at learning and really seems to enjoy interacting with Teachers and learning. His mom does bring brains to the party, after all, so this should not be that surprising. His soccer is still struggling a little bit but his little Sports Sampler class is finally getting him interested in playing with balls instead of action figurines.

A lot of people are surprised we have him in private language school to learn Mandarin and I guess I can understand why. But we figure in 20 years, Chinese will be taught in West Coast public schools and will be the second most effective language in business. If we can stick with it for the long term, Liam will have quite an advantage in era where getting a good job in a big company will require some degree of globalization in their employees. The Chinese have been doing this for 20 years sending their children overseas to learn English, so we figure its about time we got it going the other way. We'll even plan some family vacations to China, maybe some overseas studies when he's older and if he's still interested. Lets face it: even now, let alone 20 years from now, there's no real play for Romance languages and Japanese is on its way to become the next "French" in terms of usefulness. China will be setting the next global market dinner table and Liam needs to be at it. But for now, it's just fun for him and luckily for us, he enjoys learning.

What's Your Deal Man?
Also, one thing l really like to do on a Saturday is to park myself at a bar, catch up on email and get a good burger and beer. I can't seem to find a place in Issaquah that doesn't give me the stink eye for working on my laptop at a bar - even a not very crowded bar. In fact, my current favorite joint, the Issaquah Brew House, won't even allow mobile phones to be on at the bar. The bartenders totally look at me sideways when I crack open my laptop. Another place, The Rolling Log Tavern actually heckled me for working on my laptop at the bar. I used to like to go there for the dark, biker ambiance and to hear Neal Young and Pink Floyd at very loud levels. All I want is to work, hear music, drink good beer and be in a bar and I can't get any love from the Loggers, Truck Drivers and ski bums from the local Issaquah population.

...But It Made Me Feel Good.

Jen: Liam, did you enjoy seeing my friend Marie this weekend?

Liam: I have a friend.

Jen: Oh?

Liam: His name is Papa.

Potty Like A Rockstar

Shit!

Soho is crapping web blobs of poop everywhere in the house, and vomiting.

Liam is coming up on 3 and desperately needs to be potty trained so he can attend multiple day pre-schools like his peers.

"Soho, go POTTY!" I say, freezing in my boxers on the porch as she wakes me up 2:00 am on a Sunday morning to go out side....and do nothing.

"Do you have a sample of her poop?" the vet asks right before he charges me $340 for blood-work, x-rays, hydration procedures, etc.

I have poop on the mind. And, seemingly, it's everywhere.

We bought a  book on how to potty train a child in ONE WEEKEND. Man, I'm scared. Put rubber sheets down everywhere and don't leave the house...

Soho is on a rice blend diet with pills and careful monitoring so she doesn't ruin our carpets or hardwoods any further.

The shit has hit the fan in the Woodbery household and it doesn't look like it's going to clear for a while but we will come out potty trained (and re-potty trained) on the other side, it just may not be pretty in the mean time.

Liam's First Abstract Question

(Actual conversation interspersed with random pictures)

This was the first time Liam and I ever had a "Daddy, why is there air?" conversation. I'm sure it's the first of millions of them but this one was kind of unique.

Papa, what do Lions eat?

Little boys like you. Why do you ask?

Um...God made the Lions.

He did?

Yes, he did. And he also made the dark.

Liam, who is God?

(Pause)....Papa!

(Thinking - Kid, you know I love hear that but I'm afraid you're in for a bit of a let down)

 

Pebbles & BamBam

Last Saturday we had a blast visiting the fabulous and talented Mr and Mrs Kleitsch and family at Three Tree Point. For those of you who don't know them, they are a RAD family. I mean, they got me into blogging (world, you have them to blame). 

The kids played and we put down as many  "Dirty Arnold Palmers"  or "Carl The Gardners"  (a great concoction of Andy's with Ice Tea and Rum) as we possibly could before Liam's (tragically early) curtain call at 8 pm.

During the visit Britta (pictured above) bonded with Liam and they had a little 3 year old hug session. "I'm going to marry Liam" she told her mom. Tell ya what, Liam would do pretty well to score a little babe like Britta.

I took a second and thought about what THAT wedding would be like. Two words: throw-down. I pictured Andy and I having a Raider's Of The Lost Ark Last Man Standing drinking contest...during the ceremony wondering how the fuck we got to this strange place. Anyway, the kids were pretty damn cute and it was a good time.

When Liam can stay up past 8, it will be dangerous. Cheers you guys, and thanks for a really fun time.

New Liam Pics

These are camera phone pictures of pictures we had taken of Liam so they're kinda hard to see. But you get the idea.

Big Day For Liam

Today, Liam had his first day of drop off preschool. We were so nervous as to how he'd react since he's never been to daycare or anything like it. Turns out he did GREAT! He didn't cry or even get upset and was involved for the entire two hours without Kerry or his parents there. When Kerry showed up to get him he said "You said you'd only be gone for 5 minutes."

This may not sound like a big deal to you guys but this was the first of many steps towards independence. I'm just so proud of him!

 

BTW, as I left for work today I said goodbye to him. He looked up and said "Call me later, ok?"

He's 2.