Blogging In Plain Site

Seattle: Is You Is, Or Is You Ain't, My Baby??

They say Seattle's weather is a lot like England's. Having been to both places, I can assure you, that's dead on. I wonder what thoughts were going through Julius Caesar's mind after he'd been in England for a month after wading ashore near the Dover cliffs.

I'll hazard a guess, he said - "Fuck this nonsense, I'm going back to Italy."

The rap on Seattle is pretty much spot on. It rains - a lot. And, there is a bitter chill that comes with the constant moisture that's in the air and the southerly winds coming off the Puget Sound from the West and across the Oregon Alps from the South. It sucks. Today, it is 43F and raining. It will stay that way until mid-May. Every day is low clouds, driving , sideways rain. So we surround ourselves with big, warm houses, big safe cars with heated seats. To comfort ourselves, we drink bottles of big, fat, peppery, rip-your-head-off tasty Zins at night, listen to great music and ensconce ourselves with the most advanced technology - this is NW "cozy." When I lived in L.A., I missed the cloudy days, brisk winds and the rain. But getting around, day to day, this time of the year you kind of wince from the weather like folks in Phoenix wince from the 4:00 sun.

They say, January 24th is the most depressing day of the year (hey, a Brit said that, how amazing!). It's some sort of Almanac fact or something. And brother, I believe it. January/February are months you just "get through." Usually drunk, which is why everyone puts on so much weight out here. You can hide it under all the layers and SOMETHING has to be comforting in this crappy mess.

So why do I put up with it year after year?

For one thing, there are plenty of good mobile gigs out here. Second, our house goes for about 7x in SF, 5x in L.A., 10x in the better parts of Connecticut. Also, Seattle is liberal, cultured, hyper-well-educated, high technology, lousy with big screens and big cars, clean, green and not so mean.  Sure we have our share of airplane manufacturers, loggers, Pacific Rim shipyard workers and a general sprawl of po-dunk on every compass point, but this city hums with technology and we are fortunate to live and play in that golden, technology circle. Seattle has mountains, oceans, lakes, rivers, rolling hills, beautiful vistas, wild life, nature abound, multi-culti good, fresh food...all kinds of goodness. Seriously, the Thai food here will blow your socks off and nothing beats the seafood. It's a hidden gem in a lot of ways.

So, if it's so good, why do I wonder if I am wasting my (our) life away under the clouds year in, year out?

Peeps, talk me off the ledge here...

 

Potty Like A Rockstar

Shit!

Soho is crapping web blobs of poop everywhere in the house, and vomiting.

Liam is coming up on 3 and desperately needs to be potty trained so he can attend multiple day pre-schools like his peers.

"Soho, go POTTY!" I say, freezing in my boxers on the porch as she wakes me up 2:00 am on a Sunday morning to go out side....and do nothing.

"Do you have a sample of her poop?" the vet asks right before he charges me $340 for blood-work, x-rays, hydration procedures, etc.

I have poop on the mind. And, seemingly, it's everywhere.

We bought a  book on how to potty train a child in ONE WEEKEND. Man, I'm scared. Put rubber sheets down everywhere and don't leave the house...

Soho is on a rice blend diet with pills and careful monitoring so she doesn't ruin our carpets or hardwoods any further.

The shit has hit the fan in the Woodbery household and it doesn't look like it's going to clear for a while but we will come out potty trained (and re-potty trained) on the other side, it just may not be pretty in the mean time.

OK, So I Shaved.

A Few Thoughts Before Vacation

You've lost the chase in the AL West, you've squandered a 3 game lead in the AL Wildcard, in the bottom of the 9th, you've pulled even with a red-hot Cleveland Indians team at Jacob's Field, you're within ONE OUT of pushing the game into extra innings with loaded bases and a full count....AND YOU WALK THE FUCKING BATTER!?!?

Wondering when I should expose Liam to Star Wars. I bet he'd like it, although the over-exaggerated, cartoon-like mythic struggle between Buddhists and Nazi Germany might be lost on him.

Liam starts preschool the week we get back. I can't believe we're already talking preschool. I just brought this kid home from the hospital, FCS. They're going to throw him in by himself, cold, the first day with no transition. It will be hard on him but good for him ultimately. We are doing drop off play sessions at the our Club's child care/play area and he's getting more and more comfortable. Still I am anxious about it.

This will be our first family vaca since we went to London last year. That trip was...er...challenging. This one will be nothing but beach, pool, Marg's, Mexican Seafood and rest. I can't wait! Liam is talking non stop about "DA BEACH!" and "KILLER WHALES - SHAMOOOOOO!!!!".

Thank God for YouTube. I can actually pull up Shamu's act and let him get a preview of what he will see. If we only had the Internet when we were kids...I used to read "BOOKS" about Lions and so forth. Now I show Liam videos of Lion's. Of course they're like eating water buffalo but hey, that's reality.

Husky season starts today. Each year i start with no hopes, by mid season I'm in high hopes and by the end of the season I'm cursing the day I became a fan. Goddamn those Huskies. Still, I love 'em.

And, BTW, I'm SO PUMPED ABOUT THE START OF FOOTBALL!!!

Some random thoughts before I go on the road...

I'm changing my Starbucks to a store further away from my office because vendors now lie in wait at the one closest to my office to catch the money that must be falling out of my pockets. I feel like a wildebeest walking past a lion to the watering hole each morning. "Morning Frank, " "Morning Jim."

If you read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy, you're likely to go into a 5 day funk. Brother, that's one dark book.

The other day I read reference to a study found that 70% of all men consider themselves handsome. Hmm. I have watched the hit parade that is the faceless, unremarkable and quiet desperation state of the common man (country fairs, Southwest Airline Terminals, Starbucks) and with this stat in mind it tells me one's brain is nature's ultimate Photoshop.

Another recent study found that checking the Crackberry will make you 'stupider' than smoking weed; essentially lowering your IQ 10 points. This one rings true. In fact, if I recall,....ah....I could really go for a cheeseburger right now, dude....

When people look right at you behind a two-way mirror in a focus group they are simply admiring their own reflection despite the fact that you know they are looking into your soul and cursing you for making fun of them.

A Pirate Looks at 40...

I remember seeing this song on a Jimmy Buffet CD and thought...ok, this dude is adjusting his view on life at 40. Perhaps he is thinking he needs to slow down. Perhaps he was mulling over whether chasing floozy bimbos around on a sailboat in the Florida Keys in raggy cut-off shorts, woofing down cheeseburgers and pop topping ice cold buds is such a good idea anymore.

The bigger question is, does his audience care? Of course not. They want(ed) to drink Tequila to Buffet songs and party.

So, that's the stance I'm taking to turning 40. It happens. No introspection. Life is too short and life is good. Move along and pass the Tequila.

Get Real, Sir Paul...

In Starbucks this am...listening to the new Paul McCartney album they are over playing as he is the new crown jewel on their (gulp) record label. One of his song's lyrics caught my attention:

"The end of the end is the start of a journey to a much better place."

A better place than what? Riding your Arabian stallion each morning, stopping to piss L100 notes into a pond full of whipped cream your army of servants prepare each morning for the ducks to float in within your sprawling 400,000 acre parcel of land in Ireland as your 65 year old brain's long term memory systematically extinguishes the fleeting memories of each stack of L10M you've burned because you were bored since 1965?

Cry me a river, Paul.

5 Things

5 things you may not know about me...

1. When I was very young I had a run in with a Bull shark in a river in Florida. I'll never forgot how heavy he felt when he hit me. I survived, if you're wondering.

2. When I was also very young I jumped into a sandhill in Texas. Only it was a fire ant hill. I looked like little a stunt double from a bad 60's Charleton Heston movie  - screaming, waving my arms, stumbling around slowly literally covered with fire ants until I collapsed. I survived, if you're wondering.

3. The reason I got my first degree in visual communications...simple: i can't do math and I draw good.

4. Being a born Republican, I voted for Clinton in his second election. Bob Dole? C'mon.

5. I'm utterly terrified of spiders. Especially Wolf spiders.

Ok. Jana tapped me so I'm tapping Robin, Andy, Drew (hey Drew, I dare ya to blog!) and Stella.

It's All Over But The Shouting

A typical exchange after date night:

"Hey, did you pay the baby sitter last night?"

"I don't remember. Did you?"

"I don't remember coming home, to be honest with you"

"Christ. Did I say anything embarassing in front of (fill in friends name)?"

"I don't know, I think I fell asleep"

"So, do you think we paid the babysitter or not. Shit, I bet she never comes back"